Alcatraz Versus the Evil Librarians by Brandon Sanderson

"So there I was, tied to an altar made from outdated encyclopedias, about to get sacrificed to the dark powers by a cult of evil Librarians."

Book 1 in the Alcatraz Series. This was a second reading for me, after a brilliant first one that had me collecting the whole series. Sanderson is an absolute genius with children's fantasy, and when I couldn't find anything new to read this week, I turned to an old favorite.

Summary: After being shuffled from foster home to foster home for thirteen years, Alcatraz Smedry receives - and subsequently loses - a mysterious inheritance from his real parents: a bag of sand. When his grandfather arrives (late, of course) and informs Alcatraz that his knack for breaking things (doors, kitchens, chickens) is a family Talent, and in the wrong hands the sands could cause untold suffering, they head off to infiltrate a library and steal back his inheritance from the evil and dastardly librarians who rule the world (or at least part of it). Along the way Alcatraz breaks many, many things (some helpful, some most definitely not), learns romance novels can be deadly, girls make killer knights, and lenses are not just corrective eyewear, and finds the true place where he belongs.

Reality Check: This book is pure brilliance and absolutely hilarious. The writing is flawless, the characters are quirky and fully developed, the story is completely original, fun and fraught with excitement and danger, and it's about librarians. It can't get any better than this! It is "written" by Alcatraz himself (under a pen name, of course), who goes off on many, many fun tangents about life, adventure, and how writers write simply to torture people. (Why else would they write?)

A Word of Advice: If you wish to find this book at a library, do not ask a librarian for assistance. They will lead you to a section on the opposite end of the building where there are books about sick mothers and dead dogs. They will say that the book has been lost, but may they recommend this book instead? It is much more suitable. Do not listen to them. Simply thank them kindly, back away slowly, and look on the opposite end of where they lead you, behind books that begin with the letter Q.

Rutabaga.

Conclusion: Gak! Why haven't you read this book yet? Go get a copy immediately! And while you're at it, buy the rest in the series as well! Get to it then!

"And so, untold millions screamed out in pain, and then were suddenly silenced. I hope you're happy."

Genre: Middle Grade-Younger YA Fantasy

 out of 4 Paws Up!